Octopus at Home

So Heathrow came over today for what I imagine we could call our fifth date although counting our time spent together seems much less like dates and much more like hanging out, but what else should it be called? First date was meeting up at the Korean grocery in Shoreditch and a so-so Mexican meal nearby. Date two was my staying over at his in between my scuba lessons in the middle of nowhere which included a trip to Windsor, an Italian meal, parking in a park, and hours of conversation. Date three was our first feast at my house which included the making of omurice and one of my favorite movies and of course more hours of conversation. Date four was last weekend and our lunch in Soho and visit to the Just Rope event at Sweet Torments where we had our first more intimate encounter with him tieing me. And now date five- he came over here for a new cooking adventure, lots of talking, some hair playing, and some rope.

This time the cooking interest was focused on a spicy Korean octopus dish. I've never actually cooked octopus or squid at home although it's been high on my list of things to try out. Especially if I could make salt and pepper chili squid. Now that would be amazing. But this was a good alternative. To go with it I made carrot kinpira and miso eggplant, and of course, rice. Oh, and Heathrow also brought this cream of mushroom soup mix. To end the meal we had some Gu chocolate souffle pots. Always a winner.

So after our feast, which I'm afraid defeated us both, but was of course delicious, we were just hanging out on my sofa chat chat chatting away as usual. A lot about relationships actually, which I think I find a little bit confusing. I figure it's one of two things- either we talk about relationships because we aren't actually going to have one, or we talk about relationships in a more analytical/hypothetical fashion because it's a way of talking about our own potential without actually talking about it.

So there we were chatting and I decided that I needed to be more assertive about things that I want so I said, "To interject with an off topic question, do you mind if I play with your hair while we continue this conversation?". To make this seem slightly less odd than it perhaps initially sounds I should update my reading audience of three with the following information. First, Heathrow has hair down to his ass, and secondly, this is something we touched upon briefly during date three, in the sense that I think his hair was casually mentioned and he casually mentioned that people ask to play with it sometimes and I think I responded along the lines of "Well I can understand that sentiment.".

So it wasn't a completely out of the blue and obscure sort of thing to ask, but I think it's significant to me because it represented me being assertive (even if in a very small way) which is something I am trying to work on for myself because I think it's something important to my future success at relationships. On the upside, this suggestion was met with a positive response and the appearance of a hairbrush so we settled into a slightly different state of repose and continued our chat while I played with his hair.

This went on for a bit and was nice. It gave me a chance to be more physically open towards him and intimate in my own way not to mention that it was fun to play with his hair and brush it and braid it. So I did that for a while and then was finished and settled back into the sofa and he asked me if I felt like being tied up so I asked him if he felt like tying me up and we both agreed that seemed like a very good idea.

We chatted briefly about what I was looking for out of a rope scene. Here's where things get very tricky for me. Usually it would be my inclination to not have an answer to this sort of question or give the ever so unsatisfactory 'Well what do you want?'. Because honestly that is frequently how I feel. I don't think I'm always very in touch at moments like that with what I really want. Probably because I am afraid of rejection- I mean, that is what most relationship fears are based on. And it's far easier to go with what someone else wants and by giving that to them, or being able to provide that for them, making them happy and by default feeling happy about that. But I think this is not the path to a healthy relationship. It's a cop out. The same joy and satisfaction I feel in 'doing for' my partner needs to be able to be reciprocated and the only way that can happen is for me to be more clear and proactive about expressing what I want. Which at this point means trying to be more in touch with it myself.

Oh therapy. Finally it seems you have actually done something for me, even if I can't quite pinpoint exactly how.

So anyway, back to the rope. I do think I faltered in the sense that I asked what sorts of options were available when discussing a rope scene. Which led to a slightly different conversation about what it was I liked about rope and in particular what I had enjoyed about our first and previous interaction. And this I could discuss. I could articulate how I liked the dynamic and interactive aspect to our interaction as compared to the more static interaction I had experienced previously. I could describe how as rope is laid upon my body, for me it takes on the sensation of the person who is doing the tying- as if every strand of rope that hugs me and contains me is an extension of that person and makes me feel held and contained by them. I expressed how I enjoyed the intimacy of the tying- the closeness of his person. And I talked about how I liked the laughing and the playing elements- the tickling and the struggling but of course how this is only being started between us as it has a lot more to do with knowing someone and reading them as well as knowing the extents and limits of their strengths, abilities and tolerances.

And while I talked about all of these things, the rope came out of the bag and was laid upon me. Over my clothes it crossed and bound and slowly I felt myself relax into it. As my options and choices became restricted and limited, my mind cleared so that I could simply focus on the sensation of being held, of being contained. And of course this was partnered with the intimacy- the closeness and the touching. This wasn't fast like the last time, it was more slow and deliberate. My breathing slowed. My eyes closed. I enjoyed the sensation of being held and of being touched. And the touching became intensified. Once the rope was finished off, he used it, he pulled on it, as a way of moving me and as a way of increasing the containment. I breathed him in. I swam in the sensation. And the sensations became more intimate. The touching more intimate. All over clothes, bound together, I alternately squirmed and arched for his hand wedged between my legs.

And then there was the untying. As slow and deliberate as the tying. Revelling in the closeness. The loosening of the layers of rope compensated for by the closeness of him. And when he came within reach of my bound hands I touched him as I could. Eventually all the rope was gone and we embraced. I almost said 'simply embraced' and yet in many ways there wasn't anything simple about it, as soft and gentle as it was. And when we finally pulled apart, we settled back onto the sofa and cuddled up together and stayed like that for another hour or so while continuing our endless conversation.

So what does this all mean? Again I am not yet worried about it. We've talked about me coming up to Cambridge for a weekend where he's currently working to stay there and go do touristy things and hang out, and we've made reference to without specifically planning for, the next feast and cooking day at my house.

It's all like one long slow burn at the moment. Like something that you don't necessarily notice until all of the sudden it's ablaze. This evening's activities were sensual and erotic and of course fun.

An exceptional counterpoint to make up for the stupid washing machine....