Sleuthing Distraction

I wonder if it's the weather. The sun has come out, it has warmed a bit, the clocks have changed. In about two weeks time I go to the States. In the meantime, my world seems to have exploded with activity the way the world wakes from winter slumber. Except there is no rhyme or reason for all of these things to intersect.

So instead of tackling my obligations in a focused and systematic manner, instead I allow myself to indulge in my comfortable patterns, and I procrastinate. The Internet is my primary procrastination tool. It offers no end of interesting tidbits and gizmo's to keep me occupied. When I can't find anything new I find that I cycle through the same pattern of sites looking for a change like a record with a scratch. Repeat repeat repeat.

I'm not saying this with judgement. It's just how it is. Most of the time I accept it is how I am. I don't particularly like it. I find it wasteful and frustrating to be honest. But I am older and resigned and I can fight the tide as much as I can change my person. At least I recognize it.

But this is not about that. Because I was bored and avoiding my work and had finished my regular Internet haunts and was not interested in the cycle of checking I needed something else to do. Something that would hold my interest for the moment. So I sleuthed. I have not done this for a while. Well, not really. I suppose there are people I check up on with some degree of regularity. I don't think of it as sleuthing much. But I just indulged in some proper sleuthing and as is usually the case when such actions are fruitful, I have found something interesting.

I decided to see if I could track down my first ever boyfriend. He has a rather common name, though not as common as some, enough to be a problem in respect to simple searches. We met when we were both at University, albeit in different Universities in different states by a computer. Oh the early days of green screens and chat rooms! At any rate, we met in person a few times. But like most early loves it did not last. We were out of touch for a while and then he contacted me. He had moved to an area not so far from where I was then living. We met up twice I think. I don't remember much from that time. I was living with someone I was not dating but was in love with. My life was soon to turn upside down and inside out. My meeting with my first love again is just a smudge on an otherwise overwhelming image of my past.

And so we lost touch again. I remember trying to get a message to him. Trying to track him down and being rebuffed. That was it. I moved again, and again. It's probably been about ten years now. Possibly more. I think I've looked him up occasionally without much luck. I haven't done it for at least a year, probably longer. But I decided to give it a go. And I found him. I found his LinkedIn and his Facebook. He works for Time Warner, he lives in North Carolina now. I wouldn't have recognized him had we passed on the street. I wouldn't have recognized him if we were sat facing each other at a table. Funny huh? But I knew him as a skinny young man. And most men fill out by the time they hit 30. Not that he's big, he's just... unrecognizable to me.

Strange I suppose. Why did I decide to look him up now? Not sure. I suppose that dating is on my mind. I have not one, not two, but three dates in the next seven days. None of which were initiated by me, all of which are with different guys. Like I said, I think there is something in the weather or maybe it's the water, or perhaps it's a bit of both. Thinking about meeting new people. Tempering my expectation. Thinking about the past. Yes, this is how it must have led me to the path. Subconscious to be sure.

I am someone who likes knowledge. I like answers. The Internet is possibly the worst thing that could have happened to me. It allows me to pursue whims and follies. It's too easy. I think sometimes I need better boundaries and limits. Maybe then I would be more focused. It's probably not true though. I would probably just then watch an awful lot of television.

I didn't have a big purpose in writing this here, I just wanted to note it in passing. I suppose somehow it means something to me, I just really couldn't tell you what.