My life is in full swing manic mode. I was considering over the weekend if it's possible to have a manic episode solely induced by work and stress. I think the answer must be yes. Of course I sit around wondering what it's going to be like when the crash hits, but perhaps it's already happening as things spiral ever so slightly out of control.I know that I'm in trouble when I can't still my thoughts. I stumble over words because my brain is trying to juggle too many things. My hands shake more than usual. I have realistic dreams - about doing work. I show up late to things.
Of course, this will pass, and I will be okay but it's a hard slog at the moment. Too many commitments that are all intertwined but are prohibiting me from actually doing my own work, you know, that stuff that's required for me to actually get a PhD. I haven't done any of my own work for a week. And I have a major deadline in a couple weeks time. Oh dear.
But enough about work. It's busy, it's messy, it's stressful, but it's also great. I love that I am getting funded to do this for a living. I have deadlines and tasks but I don't have drudgery. I don't have to show up at the same place every day and work my 9-5. It's hard and this is a particularly awful patch, but in the greater scheme of life, it's fantastic.
So on to other things and updates since I haven't written here for a while.
This weekend my friend L came to stay from Wales. She's a doctor friend that I met through my original doctor friend C a while ago now. She came to London to go to this conference thing full of skeptics. I wasn't overly aware of the skeptic movement prior to her attendance at the TAM event. They seem okay, although slightly cliquey, which sort of seems ironic, all things considered. Also, they seem to spend a lot of time talking about religion when I want to know why they don't talk more about climate change. But you know, whatever floats your boat.
I had been in Cambridge last week and came back Thursday to meet up with L and go to a fringe event of TAM which was skeptics pub quiz in central London. Met her here at home to drop off her bag and headed in to town. Found the pub, and got drinks and food. Teams were for up to 6 and it was only her and me, we needed to find more people. We managed to find 2 in the pub and I had put calls out to the other couple as well as to L of the recent disappointing dating experience...
Side note to this, I think L needs a better name for future discussion. So dating but not dating L will henceforth be known as.... um.... Econ.
...but of course the pub had no reception in the basement where the quiz was going on. So I called the other couple and they couldn't come and I sent Econ a text but I figured he wouldn't make it, and I went back to the basement. We'd managed to get a team of five and had pleasantly called ourselves 'Team Sugartits' in honor of my Welsh friend. Just as the first round of five was finishing, Econ actually showed up which was cool. There was a bit of cuddly touching and fondling between him and me in our tightly squeezed table throughout the night which was enjoyable. There was an awful lot of drinking going on as well which was lubricating. After five rounds we had come in joint fourth and had won third place for best team name. So overall a good night. Econ walked me and L back to our night bus around half past midnight and we parted ways.
Saturday, as L was at the conference and I was not, I did some work in the morning then went over to X's house to meet up with her and V for a reunion potluck lunch. That was very nice and chill. From there, L had texted me to say she got tickets to the evening entertainment at TAM of various people and acts including Jon Ronson**, the Amateur Transplants and Tim Minchin. So I went straight from the one to the other. It was a really fun evening, albeit another late night.
Sunday L was off to the conference again but I had gotten tickets to chocolate unwrapped which seemed like a good idea and Econ had agreed to go with me. He'd texted me the night before unsure if he was going to make it as he was feeling ill so I was not holding my breath. However, by morning he said he was up for it so we met at 1:30 at the venue. But I have to say, he did not look well. So perhaps attending an all you can eat chocolate fest was not a great idea. As it was, I tasted a good amount of chocolate, though I did not gorge and Econ had almost none. It was a fairly impressive event with all the tastings. Completely worth the money and also lots to buy if you were so inclined. One to keep in mind for next year.
But difficult to share if one of two is not feeling so well and not indulging. So after a good go at it, we left there and went for a wander over to the Tate to check out the sunflower seed exhibit. Of course they just closed the damn thing because of dust, so you can look but not touch which is completely pointless. At the very least I felt they could have had a small batch of them you could touch, or let people on in small numbers and for limited time? It was not the experience that it should have been is all I have to say. Disappointing.
Leaving the Tate, we stopped outside so I could get a good look at the progress of the Neo Bankside development which is being developed by my PhD industrial partner. Econ knew a coffee place so we went there to crash on a sofa and chat and continue to look at the project. It was pleasant and relaxing and getting a bit later. L had texted me to let me know there was an end of event party I could have gone to in Camden but I didn't really feel like going out partying. So Econ said I could come over to his, but his place was a tip so I'd have to wait outside while he cleaned it. And also he had to pop by his office to pick up a laptop since his computer broke. So we went and found some Boris bikes and cycled over to his office. I'd never been to his office and it was fairly nice. We got the laptop then cycled back to his and as he said, I waited in the corridor (reading a book) while I could hear him rushing about and cleaning. About fifteen minutes later he let me in and we continued our day of relaxing and conversation. At some point we ordered dinner, and it was getting later and later. I figured I was going to go home but then he said I could stay over. It was late, and while there had been ample cuddling and stuff, not much else, so staying over was desirable.
So I texted L to make sure she was okay with that and decided to stay over even though that meant getting up at six to go home first so I could change to go in to my industrial partner's office in the morning for a 9am meeting. Good plan at any rate, but not entirely as expected. I think Econ was still a bit ill, so clearly not really up for messing around and I'm not a pushy person when it comes to these things. I am reasonably sure I'd made my interest clear but I wasn't going to force him. So instead we went off to bed, or rather, I went to bed and he stayed up cleaning. Eventually came in but was having trouble sleeping so he was reading and I was not quite sleeping, somewhat horny, mind racing- so I decided that what I really wanted was to have a really good orgasm so I could get to sleep. This seemed entirely reasonable to me, but a bit awkward seeing as he and I haven't slept together in a couple of months now, even if we were laying in bed together naked, nothing was happening. So I pondered it for a while but as he was turned away from me, I figured as long as he wasn't weirded out by it, I should do it. So I tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Okay, this might sound weird, but I'm too keyed up to sleep and I really just want to get myself off because it will help as long as you don't mind". He said of course he didn't mind and did I want him to leave the room which I thought was funny, so I said no, I just didn't want to freak him out and so I got down to business. I turned away from him, so I have no idea if he watched. He must have at some point because when I was finished, and finally drifting off to slumber, he was tickling my back which was ever so nice.
But that was it. My alarm went off at 6. I don't think he got to sleep until 3 or 4. I got myself together and let myself out. Made my way to London Bridge, got home, got changed, then oddly enough L came home from her night out which is another story all together and then I was out to my manic Monday. Meetings all day and what may or may not have been a date with someone I've been working with then home then a last dinner with L then I was off to Cambridge. Cambridge today, then back to London. Procrastinating terribly doing this blog but actually need to prepare work for a teaching day at UEL tomorrow, then tomorrow night back to Cambridge. Thursday a conference in Duxford and Friday Cambridge, then back, then this weekend my flatmate is changing over plus I've got a kinky girls night out on Saturday and two of them are crashing at mine and then it will be Monday again.
Shit is busy these days.
I'd like to write more about Econ- where I'm at with it and why it is or isn't a good idea. But I think that will have to wait. I've written enough and have loads to do yet tonight. I just needed a break.
** If you don't know about the reference in the title, check link
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